Episode 111
Transforming Conflict into Opportunity With Author Kat Newport
Join us for an insightful conversation with Kat Newport, a seasoned conflict educator and coach. Kat delves into her journey into conflict management, shedding light on the critical role of personal responsibility and emotional intelligence. She explores the dynamics of generational perspectives in the workplace and identifies common pitfalls in conflict situations. Discover the power of empathy and trust in leadership as Kat emphasizes their significance in fostering a positive work environment. Tune in to learn about the evolving nature of conflict resolution and the importance of cultivating a culture that promotes healthy communication and relationships. This episode is a must-listen for anyone looking to enhance their conflict management skills and build stronger, more empathetic teams.
Transcript
Well, we welcome Kat to the podcast. How you doing today?
Kat Newport, ACC (she/her) (:doing really good, Keith, how are you?
Rev. Dr. Keith Haney, Host (:I'm good. It's good to have you on talking about a topic that most of us don't have to deal with because all of us don't have very little conflict in our life. So it may be a very short podcast. No.
Kat Newport, ACC (she/her) (:highly doubt that, but I'll go with it. I'll go with it. I'm easy.
Rev. Dr. Keith Haney, Host (:There you go. I love to ask my guests this question. What's the best piece of advice you've ever received?
Kat Newport, ACC (she/her) (:best piece of advice I ever received is you're bringing more into the situation than you realize. Make sure you're dealing with that first.
Rev. Dr. Keith Haney, Host (:I like that.
And I can see how that applies to the work you do.
Kat Newport, ACC (she/her) (:It does, yeah it really really does, you know, by day, mild manner human resource manager, night, aficionado.
Rev. Dr. Keith Haney, Host (:So I'm curious as we talk about this, what led you into wanting to become a conflict educator and coach?
Kat Newport, ACC (she/her) (:So, way, back, way, back. When I first started in the corporate world, I was very, very young. I was 19 when I actually stepped into the corporate world. And my conflict management skills were really, really poor. We'll just say poor. Poor is good. They were not the best. So I did have a lot of challenges and really trying to figure out how to deal with conflict in a corporate environment.
which was also reflected in my personal relationships, you know, with friends and family and whatnot. So it slowly and gradually evolved to, there's got to be a secret to this for this interpersonal conflict piece. So I started snuffling around and I started looking around and believe it or not, it actually led me to theology. So I got my degree in theology and you know, just how humans relate to one another became very, very important to me and trying to figure out that pattern, if you will.
on how to manage it better, because it's never going to go away.
Rev. Dr. Keith Haney, Host (:That's very, true. No matter how much we want to go away, it doesn't. In studying theology, how have you utilized that in your conflict?
Kat Newport, ACC (she/her) (:So there are lots and lots of ways that it kind of comes up. So when you look at the big three, they're all based on a social construct. So when I say the big three, have Christianity, we have Islam, and we have Judaism. So these, and most religions for that matter, are built on this social construct. How do we build our social environment so we can get along better?
Even if you look at Leviticus, and I hate to bring it in, it's all about how do we get on? What do we do to each other so that we don't get into conflicts? And how do we do this to each other? So it was really interesting to see that this is thousands and thousands of years now where people are sitting down together trying to figure out a way forward. How do we do this with love and compassion? How do we do this to make sure everybody's healthy and safe?
So it really, surprisingly enough, linked in.
Rev. Dr. Keith Haney, Host (:Interesting. I can see that actually. So you've been doing this for over 30 years of experience. What are some of the most significant changes you've seen in organizational development and especially quality management over that time?
Kat Newport, ACC (she/her) (:So as things have evolved over the last 30 years in a corporate environment, when it comes to conflict, that kind of thing, I'm starting to see more and more generations working together. And this is bringing more and more perspectives into the workplace. And the more perspectives you have in the workplace, the more conflicts you have. Because conflict at its core is simply the meeting of two different perspectives, or more, the meeting of two different perspectives.
As you get two generations, three generations, we're up to now five generations in the workplace, each one of them having their own unique lived experience, each of them having their own perspective on what is right, what is wrong, the moral stance, the ethical evolutions, these are coming into the forefront and starting, well, they've always been clashing, but I think now that we have five generations in the workplace, they're clashing like never before.
Rev. Dr. Keith Haney, Host (:Yeah, I can imagine. They're more sometimes than in my household.
Kat Newport, ACC (she/her) (:No judgment, I hear you.
Rev. Dr. Keith Haney, Host (:Taking those generations to account, how does the corporate world deal with this colliding of generations of lived experiences? Because we have to learn to operate together and work together if we want to be successful, especially in a corporate setting. So what are some keys you have found to help us navigate this colliding of different differences?
Kat Newport, ACC (she/her) (:Number one, corporate culture trumps all, period. I know if people think it's operations, no it's sales, no it's business development, no it's research and development. Corporate culture trumps all. When it comes to conflict, how the organization expects you to behave with other people is how those conflicts are going to evolve. If you have an organization...
That is money is king, we will pursue money at all costs, damn the torpedo is full speed ahead and if you're in the way we're gonna run you down, you're gonna have a lot of conflicts. If you have an organization that believes in people and investment in the social structure of their people and working together in collaboration, fostering innovation through difference of perspective, that conflict environment is going to be very, very different. The conflict is gonna be leaning towards more healthy,
than down the torpedoes in full speed ahead. Not so healthy.
Rev. Dr. Keith Haney, Host (:That makes sense. So you wrote a book, Smart Conflict. What inspired you to write that book?
Kat Newport, ACC (she/her) (:So it was always a dream to write a book ever since I was a little girl. If you had told seven -year -old me that it was going to be on conflict, I don't think I would have agreed with you at all. Butterflies and Ringo's and unicorns and all those things. I took a sabbatical from work. So I stepped out of a job I'd been in for 17 years and a career I'd been in for 30. And I decided, OK, I'm now going to take this year. What am I going to do with myself?
So no time like the present. And because I had worked in org dev and it was so intense at the end of that particular job stint where we were looking at conflicts, we were looking at developing skills on how to deal with conflicts on the front lines with clients on the front line with the public on the front line between colleagues, that there was definitely something going on. that kind of.
that interest that kind of pulled that string a little bit and sort of tied into that sort of life's passion, that life's mission of decoding conflict. So I decided to take that year and really put pen to paper and figure out what I've learned so far, not putting shellac on it and saying I'm done, but what I've learned so far and codifying that into a book.
Rev. Dr. Keith Haney, Host (:I was expecting you to tell me that somehow you grew up in a conflicted household and you were always fighting. And so I just wanted to solve your own inner life problems, but it wasn't where you went with that.
Kat Newport, ACC (she/her) (:looking for the drama. Thank you. No. No juicy story, I'm afraid.
Rev. Dr. Keith Haney, Host (:You
See, I thought I was going to be the guy who brought this out of you for the podcast, but I guess that's not where we're going to go.
Kat Newport, ACC (she/her) (:I've had my share of conflict, my ex -husband will attribute to it. But not the motivation behind it.
Rev. Dr. Keith Haney, Host (:You
Rev. Dr. Keith Haney, Host (:You know, when I used to do interviews for, I used to kind of serve as kind of an HR person for my church body, helping churches find pastors. And one of the courses I love to ask potential candidates was, you know, give me the best example of how you've handled conflict and tell me the outcomes of that. So I'm curious for you, as you have worked in this field, what is a particular situation that you found particularly challenging and tell me how you navigated?
Kat Newport, ACC (she/her) (:Sarah, this sounds like one of those interview questions for sure. How have you faced it and overcome? Mine is a little bit longer in the overcoming, I think. I actually refer to this one in my book. I was an HR professional at the time dealing with a grievance and I had brought an individual in who had assaulted a colleague. And I had it all on videotape, everything was fine, you know. I brought the individual in and I said,
Rev. Dr. Keith Haney, Host (:Yeah.
Kat Newport, ACC (she/her) (:So what happened the other day with this person? Can you tell? Well, nothing. What do mean nothing? What do you mean nothing? And this was that we got into this cycle. was like, no, nothing happened. Okay, the man's pressing charges and then he's in hospital. You're going to tell me nothing. He's like, no, no, nothing happened. So the more I asked and the more I pushed, the more agitated they became, know, and heightened and heightened and I'm...
I was maybe 26 at the time. I just kept pushing because I knew I had them. I knew it. And I was just going to prove my point, gosh darn it. And then I flipped the computer around. I said, isn't that you beating them with a chair? I nearly got my block knocked off that day. His fist came out of nowhere. Thank heavens for these quick reflexes of the union shop steward.
Rev. Dr. Keith Haney, Host (:Ha ha ha ha!
Kat Newport, ACC (she/her) (:I saved my chicklets that day, they stayed in my head. I learned a lot that day. I learned, number one, beware of focusing on the goal alone. Sometimes there's more nuance here that you have to watch. Number two, body language is important. Watch for it. Because sitting and reflecting back on it.
Yeah, you could tell that there was some agitation building and it was not necessarily in what they were saying. Right? So how that's coming across and being able to read those nuances in another person became very, very important. And this was one of the big leaps that that pushed me into, OK, so what is the solution? So what is the structure that we can employ that I can employ that works for me? I'm not going to say it's work for everybody that works for me.
to prevent this type of escalation from happening again and how do I engage with it so I can still reach goals that I would like, but do so in a more humane and healthy way.
Rev. Dr. Keith Haney, Host (:Most of us are honest about the fact that we don't handle conflict well. As you have worked in this field, what are some common mistakes, I guess I would say, that we make when we approach a situation where there is conflict?
Kat Newport, ACC (she/her) (:Absolutely. The first one that kind of jumps to mind as you're asking the question because there's a lot jostling in there. The first one that really jumps to mind is that it's not the other person's responsibility to make you feel better. Your emotions are yours. The environment and what the other person does certainly impacts whether or not those emotions come forward. But those emotions are yours to control and you choose to feel those moving forward.
I'm enraged and you're going to stop me from feeling rage, you're going to be disappointed in this conflict because there's nothing I can really do to make you feel anything you don't want to feel. Otherwise, the entire world would be happy. You'd be happy and they'd be happy and everybody'd be happy because I just want everybody to be happy. I can't do that. So make sure you're taking responsibility for your own emotions and not expecting the other person to fix them when you walk into a conflict. This is how those conflicts can just get protracted because you don't feel better.
Rev. Dr. Keith Haney, Host (:curious as you go back to that situation, use as an example, what would you have done, not that you have experienced it with conflict, what would you have done differently in that situation? Because it seems like, was it the mistake you think you... I guess the thing I saw was you were trying to get them to admit that they had been involved in altercation. that where you maybe would do things differently now looking back on it?
Kat Newport, ACC (she/her) (:Very much so. So it brings me back to the absolute focus on winning. This is kind of point number two, own your emotions. And if you're going in to win, you've already lost. In that example, I was absolutely going in to win. I was going in, this is the company structure, this is what's going to happen. And gosh darn it, you're going to admit it. And this was my goal. Not the best option. Don't do that.
So when you're looking at a relationship, or when you're looking at a conflict, you really have to look at the relationship side of it. Even though the employment contract with this individual was going to end, there's still a humanness, a relationship that's going on between myself and that individual that I neglected to take care of in that instance. And that's something that I've tried to improve over the years. Am I saying perfect? No, absolutely not. But I'm saying we've definitely improved since I was 20.
You
Rev. Dr. Keith Haney, Host (:In conflict I've dealt with too, a lot of times people don't like to own up to their own part in the conflict. How do you, in your book, help people to realize, like you talked about before, I have to own my part of this? I worked a lot with couples in the ministry and they'd come in and go, you know, the problem is my husband or my wife. She's just terrible. And I go, well, but what are you bringing to the conflict? Well, nothing. I'm...
I'm totally without fault. I'm not sure what you're talking about. So how do you get people to kind of internally look at themselves and go, yeah, I am bringing something to this conflict that I need to own that to be able to move beyond it?
Kat Newport, ACC (she/her) (:Smart conflict was actually based on an acronym I used in workshops. And the very first word, the S word, is situation. Understand the situation you're walking into. If you don't understand that, you're hooped. I love the fact that you brought up working with couples. I call it the toothpaste top effect.
We're getting a divorce because she left the toothpaste top off again. That's not why you're getting a divorce. That's not it. There is so much underneath that toothpaste dilemma that's coming up. So really understanding the root cause and that to your point means what am I doing to push into that situation? What am I doing to contribute to that situation or affect the dynamics of the situation?
resulting in that behavior. I mean, we hear all the time, well, they just push my buttons. They just know how to push my buttons. This is that environment, that dynamic that we're managing around the situation. I know you don't like X, so I'm gonna do X and see what happens. I'm managing that dynamic because I'm dissatisfied, because you left the toilet seat up again, because whatever. I'm impacting that dynamic to push it along.
There's that self -reflection that's got to come through with conflict. One of the biggest questions I get is how do I make the other person do whatever? That's the exact wrong way to look at conflict. You've got it backwards. What am I doing to contribute to this situation? And where do I want this relationship to be when I'm done with this conflict? Look at your input and look at your collective output. How does this relationship look at the end?
doesn't mean we still have to be married at the end, but if we have children together, we have to have a healthy relationship to be able to co -parent those children. Make sense?
Rev. Dr. Keith Haney, Host (:Yeah, it does. So going back to your first example, because I'm still fascinated by that. Well, I'm trying to figure out when you had that conversation and you were trying to get that person to kind of own their role in it, what was the disconnect on that person's part to say there was no conflict, there was no chair? Yeah, what person? How did you, how do you?
Kat Newport, ACC (she/her) (:You
Kat Newport, ACC (she/her) (:What person?
Rev. Dr. Keith Haney, Host (:Going back, how do you get that person to own the fact that, yeah, I took a chair and hit someone on the head with it or wherever, when you don't want to even acknowledge the fact that there was a conflict?
Kat Newport, ACC (she/her) (:So this is about establishing a comfort zone so that they feel comfortable enough to discuss their motivation. So going in going, did you do it, did you do it, did you do it, did you do it, it's not establishing a safe zone. No safe zone here.
So really leaning in, it's like, what's going on at work these days? Are you experiencing any challenges? Is anything concerning you at the work site? These are options where they can discuss things other than, in this case, that singular event that can potentially give you information on what's impacting the dynamic around the event. Building that.
Comfort and building that trust going. Okay. She is interested in me. She is interested in my perspective I'm pretty sure I know why I'm here because you know I'm pretty sure I know why I'm here But at least I'm being recognized as a human being and you hear that a lot particularly in the human resource realm It's just the company doing something to me You really want to make that human connection. That's that human part of human resources
Rev. Dr. Keith Haney, Host (:The new code word in the last, probably 10 years is emotional intelligence, and especially important in the workplace. So how do you teach that, or how do you approach teaching that in your workshops and in your master class?
Kat Newport, ACC (she/her) (:So for starters, very much again, looking at that introspective piece, talking about biases surprisingly enough. What are you bringing into the system? You know, your new manager is a woman, you don't like working for women, we have a bias which could underpin some conflicts.
So again, taking a look when it's not heated, when you're not in the conflict in the moment, to really realize where you might be experiencing some things hanging out, what your emotions are surrounding conflict. So we all have these conflict narratives, right? I came across a fellow a couple of years back. like, I will never be disrespected. Okay, well, they just asked you to turn in your paperwork on time. How was that disrespectful? You know?
There's a story behind that. So helping people identify those narratives when they come in, super important in a workshop. And then realizing how do you say what you wanna say and have those boundaries, which are perfectly healthy.
in a way that's not going to offend the other person who has their own biases, who has their own narrative, who's bringing their own stuff to the table. So there's so many unseen facets when it comes to conflict that you have to be aware that are there. You don't necessarily have to know what they are. I don't necessarily need to know what your conflict narrative is to have a healthy conflict with you, but I do have to be respectful that you're gonna come at this differently than I am.
You're going to look at this differently. You've had different lived experiences. I we're in two different countries. We have very different perspectives, and that's going to affect how we conflict.
Rev. Dr. Keith Haney, Host (:I'm guessing it's different depending upon male versus female. If men don't like being in touch with their emotions, I'm sure in this emotional intelligence part, it's probably not an easy conversation to have. So how do you do work this into a situation where people don't like being in touch with their softer side?
Kat Newport, ACC (she/her) (:you
Kat Newport, ACC (she/her) (:I love this question. I get this usually framed about, know, emotions don't belong in the workplace. I started working in the early 90s, very baby boomer. Emotions don't belong in the workplace. I cannot tell you how many people I've seen express anger or rage or throw something across a room. It's like, that's not emotion, I'm just angry.
Okay. We're dealing with people. There is no way, there is absolutely no way you can divorce a human being at work from their emotions. They will always have emotions. So it's not about how do we deal with emotions at work. It's about knowing they're there, respecting they're there, and respecting the individual.
so that you can move forward together in a relationship towards common goals.
Rev. Dr. Keith Haney, Host (:I love that. So I just gotta deal with my emotions every time you're the man.
Kat Newport, ACC (she/her) (:anybody because I've met a lot of women who do that too.
Rev. Dr. Keith Haney, Host (:You know, once we get beyond being in touch with our emotional intelligence part of us, now we talk about culture and trust. And to me, that's one of the most difficult things to do too. You just talked about the fact that we have five generations all of a sudden working together. So as you have all those different people with those different life lived experiences coming together, how do you build a culture of trust in especially high stress situations like we're dealing now in the workplace?
Kat Newport, ACC (she/her) (:One of the books I love is Kim Scott's Radical Candor. It's about being empathetic yet honest. It's about keeping that goal in mind but being fully transparent. If we have a goal and you haven't returned your report on time, this is not me about going and gossiping with the people in the kitchen saying,
Keith didn't turn in his report. It's about me coming in going, Keith, what happened? I needed your report. We're now behind. How do we move forward together? Absolute radical candor. I love the book, love the concept. There's a lot of gossip and that rumor mongering that goes into a workplace. And yes,
Gossip builds trust, it makes social boundaries. It feels really good because there's a huge dopamine hit when you gossip, believe it or not. Which is why we do it so much. But it does undermine the corporate culture. It does undermine that trust. Being able to go to another person and effectively and openly communicate what you need and where your barriers are, your boundaries are.
is super important in a workplace. And this starts from the top up. This starts on day -to -day interactions. So you're a boss, you're a subordinates, you're a boss to colleagues, colleagues to colleagues. Each and every interaction you have is an opportunity to build the culture you want. It's not about the CEO coming down saying, our corporate culture is this, and then planting the flag in the sand. That's great. It's each and every one of us buying into that vision.
and then moving forward on a daily basis with every interaction to build the culture, which is why finding an employer who suits your morals and your ethics is super important.
Rev. Dr. Keith Haney, Host (:So you just kind of paint a picture of an executive or effective leadership team who just doesn't say, here's our vision, here's our corporate structure, get on board or else, but someone who's in touch with their emotional intelligence. So how important is emotional intelligence for effective leadership in the workplace?
Kat Newport, ACC (she/her) (:For me, it's in the top three for sure, if not number one. If you cannot relate to other people, how do you lead them? Everything else is moot. I'm good at conflict management. I'm good at spreadsheets. I can balance a budget, but I can't talk to my staff. I can't encourage my staff. I can't be honest with my staff.
We don't have a leader, we have a boss. Somebody who's easily barking orders, but not so easily inspiring others.
Rev. Dr. Keith Haney, Host (:How do you distinguish that from someone who maybe have a different leadership style? Because I had a talk with someone who works in corporate corporate structures and they said the leader was not one who was kind of touchy feely or you know that but they were a good leader. So they tried to change their personality to be more, you know, gregarious or more introspective or whatever it was. And the staff all thought they had
they were drunk or something, they were on something. Yeah, so how do you incorporate emotional intelligence by not having to change who you are? So you mean it's kind of a weird balance there. You don't wanna be Dr. Phil, how do you, yeah, so how do you do that in a setting where you still remain true to who you are and being authentic?
Kat Newport, ACC (she/her) (:It was lost their mind, yeah.
Kat Newport, ACC (she/her) (:Please don't.
Kat Newport, ACC (she/her) (:So I usually get quite a reaction when I say this. Empathy is not an emotion. Empathy is a choice. I don't have to feel what you feel to understand that you're happy, sad, in pain, angry. And I can recognize that and respond accordingly. I don't have to lose myself in your emotion.
to have empathy and be supportive. I'm blunt as a brick. I've always been as blunt as a brick. This is that personality style I think you're referring to. But it doesn't stop me from going, whoa, okay, I know we need to get these things done, but there's obviously something going on with you. What do we need to, what has to happen here? How do I help you? How do we get that support in? Empathy is a choice.
So it's not necessarily balancing my emotions and changing my emotions and changing my fundamental personality. It's understanding that I have to make the choice each and every day with each and every relationship, with each and every interaction, what level of empathy to choose to put into that situation.
Rev. Dr. Keith Haney, Host (:It sense because when I was in the parish, was on the disc profile, I was a high D leader. And so was very task oriented. Like we got to get things, this, and this done. And then I was always pushing, always pushing, always pushing. Even when we achieved the goals we had set, I was still pushing toward the next goal. I had to learn to step back and learn to celebrate the wins with the team. But then I could keep focusing on the next.
Kat Newport, ACC (she/her) (:hear you. Giant D on my lapel, yeah. I hear you.
Rev. Dr. Keith Haney, Host (:to Mexico.
Rev. Dr. Keith Haney, Host (:So yeah, I think it's important that you can do that. You can still be who you are, but you've got to realize everybody on your team may not be where you are yet. How do you give them what they need to make sure that the team goes with you on the next part of the journey or stays with you in the journey and you don't lose people along the way?
Kat Newport, ACC (she/her) (:Those assessments, the DISC assessment you mentioned is a really good way to sort of encapsulate this. When you take those assessments, it's about learning how you communicate so you can adapt empathetically. I've seen so many times when DISC or whatever other assessment comes in that I'm a D, therefore you have to talk to me like a D because this is my communication style. Or I'm a C, so you can't do that to me.
It's really about that understanding that, yes, I respect you as an individual and you're well more than four letters on a template. And you're safe here to bring that forward. And then gauging your own reaction. I know I'm a D. Yes, I know you've just put up 17 risks and 700 reasons why we're not supposed to do this even though we have to do it. I hear you. I get your anxiety.
how do we mitigate some of it, understanding we still have to do what we have to do. It's the making of the choices in the moment, not to make myself feel better, but to understand I have to work with these people for however long I'm going to be with this organization. And I still have to come in tomorrow and face this person.
So what does that relationship look like on the other side? So when I'm talking relationships, I'm not just talking a husband to a wife, you know, a parent to a child. I'm talking colleague to colleague, you to your barista. These are all relationships, no matter how deep or shallow. They're all relationships you're managing on a day -to -day basis. yeah.
Rev. Dr. Keith Haney, Host (:Yeah. What you do is really important. What's the most rewarding part of the work you do in conflict?
Kat Newport, ACC (she/her) (:I think the most rewarding part would be the confidence build. So going from the beginning of a workshop to the end of the workshop, it's been my experience that there's always at least one and hopefully more that have an actual physical transformation that you can see happening as we go through the process, as we do the...
engagement as we do the role play, as we apply the tools we're learning, as we gain more self -reflection, there's almost a blossoming that you can see with at least one person in the room. And I think that's why I do it. If I can change the perspective and make one person more confident to establish their boundaries and respectfully deal with other people, it's been a good day.
Rev. Dr. Keith Haney, Host (:love that. So you're a coach as well, and you're part of the National Coaching Federation, I considered, going through the training. But I haven't yet. Yeah. So tell us about that process. And if somebody is interested in doing that, because there's a lot of aspects to coaching, but that is a licensing group that helps you get credibility in the coaching room.
Kat Newport, ACC (she/her) (:I'm just a baby coach. I'm an ACC.
Kat Newport, ACC (she/her) (:Very much so. So the International Coaching Federation is very big here in North America. They provide standardized training, a set of ethics and policies that a coach has to follow.
The coaching industry, while booming and huge, it doesn't necessarily have the same constraints, say a therapist does or a psychiatrist does. They don't have that same body of knowledge that they require. They don't have the same regulations that they require. So the ICF does provide that framework.
The ICF also does provide ongoing professional development and networking and community for coaches because coaching is typically a very independent kind of thing. You with your clients, you don't usually have a really big office where a bunch of coaches can get together and chat things out. So becoming a member of the ICF helps with that. It helps connect you with other people who have similar experiences yet from different perspectives.
broaden your horizons in that respect. So I found getting an ICF certification was great for the education piece. It made a lot of great connections where I'm finding the most value is within the membership itself and participating in the community and getting that feedback that's driving me to be a better coach.
Rev. Dr. Keith Haney, Host (:I love that. I'm curious, as you've spent some time in this field now, as you look on the horizon and the emergence of conflict in the workplace and the world, what are you seeing as the future of conflict resolution?
Kat Newport, ACC (she/her) (:So I see this in my day job. Like I said, I'm a human resource manager by day. It is coming down to that relationship management, the old style command and do type of leadership. You will do this and then they do that. There are very few industries you're gonna find that in still.
The only one that comes to mind is the military. There are very few structures they're going to find that in. So it is about trying to figure out how to have those relationships. And this is where the coaching, I think, comes in really, really handy. Because when I say coaching in a corporate environment, a lot of folks are still really not quite sure how to do this within their role. Because coaching is not necessarily done by a coach.
can be done by a coach, can formally be done by a coach to a specific standard and level. But you have that opportunity to exercise your coaching muscles in your day to day. You can bark at your colleague to tell them what to do, or you can coach them and find out what the blocks are, to find out what they need, to find out how they can develop themselves professionally to bring themselves to the next level and what their intrinsic motivation is. It requires a little more effort.
it requires a little more time to sit down with your staff. And I think that's vital as we move forward and into the next generations as they continue to come through the next generations in the workforce.
Rev. Dr. Keith Haney, Host (:That's great. So I'd love to ask my guest this question. What do you want your legacy to be?
Kat Newport, ACC (she/her) (:My legacy.
Kat Newport, ACC (she/her) (:My legacy, I would love to have it just as a nucleus, as part of that roll down the hill, that snowball effect of conflict isn't bad. Engaging effectively in conflict can make you healthier as a person, healthier in your relationships, healthier at work.
and move you forward in life and stop getting stuck and stop feeling like a doormat. And I really want to be part of that transformational change. Even if it's just a little part, I'd love to have that as a legacy.
Rev. Dr. Keith Haney, Host (:I love that. As you wrap up this phenomenal conversation, have a, what takeaways do you want to share with the audience from our conversation today?
Kat Newport, ACC (she/her) (:First one, go into the conflict with your emotions managed. Don't expect the other person to do them. Number one. Number two, empathy is a choice. You have the choice to walk into that conflict with empathy or the choice to not exercise empathy and that choice is yours. So I think those are the two big ones that I'd love people to take away today.
Rev. Dr. Keith Haney, Host (:So where can listeners find your book, Smart Conflict, and follow your work?
Kat Newport, ACC (she/her) (:The best place would probably be to hit my website smartconflictbook .com. The book, which is just above my head if you're watching, is on Amazon, but you can also get it from the website. I have a heavy presence on LinkedIn and Instagram, so you can follow me there to get lots more insight, a lot more depth, as I am a regular poster, particularly on LinkedIn, about conflict and leadership and DEIB, as it stands in the workplace.
Rev. Dr. Keith Haney, Host (:Well, thanks, Kat, so much for taking the time to walk us through this and helping us to better understand how we get along with people and to have a less conflicted world and less conflicted life because ignoring conflict, I've noticed in the past, doesn't really work well because it's still there. So it's best to tackle it head on, be present in the moment and try to move beyond because we're so much better as a society when we deal with the issues that divide us.
Kat Newport, ACC (she/her) (:Agree completely. Thank you so much for having me, Keith.
