Episode 120

Divorce But Not Defeated: Marquette L. Walker Shares Her Inspiring Story

Marquette L. Walker joins Dr. Haney to share her inspiring journey of resilience and empowerment following multiple divorces, encapsulated in her powerful book, "Divorce But Not Defeated." Through her candid reflections, she emphasizes the importance of acknowledging one's struggles and the necessity of healing before moving forward. Marquette discusses the profound impact of her faith, which served as her anchor during the lowest points of her life, guiding her to reclaim her strength and identity. The conversation delves into the role of the church in supporting individuals facing marital challenges and the need for open discussions about trauma and accountability. With a focus on self-empowerment and forgiveness, Marketa aims to help others navigate their own journeys toward healing and fulfillment.

Marquette L. Walker's journey through the trials of multiple divorces serves as a beacon of hope for those grappling with similar struggles. In her enlightening conversation with Dr. Haney, she discusses her book, *Divorce But Not Defeated*, which encapsulates her personal experiences and the profound lessons she learned along the way. Walker emphasizes that divorce does not have to equate to defeat, but rather can be a catalyst for personal growth and reinvention.

The discussion delves into the significance of faith in overcoming adversity, with Walker sharing poignant anecdotes from her life that highlight the power of resilience and self-discovery. She recalls the wisdom imparted by her parents, particularly her mother's insistence on knowing God personally, which became a cornerstone of her survival during turbulent times. Walker's message resonates as she underscores the importance of acknowledging one's emotions and allowing oneself the grace to heal.

Moreover, Marquette advocates for accountability within relationships, urging listeners to confront their traumas and seek healing before entering into new partnerships. She passionately calls for a cultural shift within the church, encouraging leaders to foster environments where individuals can openly discuss their struggles without fear of judgment. This episode not only provides a glimpse into Walker's transformative journey but also serves as a powerful reminder of the strength that can be found in faith, community, and self-acceptance. As she embarks on new projects, including workshops aimed at empowering others, Walker's commitment to uplifting those around her shines through, inspiring listeners to embrace their own healing journeys.

Takeaways:

  • Marquette L. Walker emphasizes the importance of knowing God personally for resilience during tough times.
  • The journey of healing from divorce is not linear; it's essential to process emotions thoroughly.
  • Understanding one's identity and past traumas is crucial for rebuilding after a divorce.
  • Forgiveness begins with oneself; you cannot truly forgive others until you forgive yourself.
  • The church must address deeper issues surrounding divorce, including trauma and accountability.
  • Marquette's own experiences with multiple divorces highlight the need for self-awareness and growth.

Links referenced in this episode:

Companies mentioned in this episode:

  • Amazon
  • Barnes and Noble
  • Walmart
  • Target
  • eBay
Transcript
Host:

My guest today is Marketa L.

Host:

Walker.

Host:

She's a talented speaker and advocate for personal growth and resilience.

Host:

With her powerful book, Divorce But Not Defeated, she shares her own personal journey of overcoming the challenges of divorce and finding strength to thrive beyond.

Host:

Through her personal anecdotes and practical advice and motivational insights, she empowers readers to embrace their new chapter with courage, hope, and grace.

Host:

Her transformative path of healing, growth, and empowerment in the face of adversity inspires others to find their own resilience and inner strength.

Host:

Her work and life coaching courses serves as a beacon of life for those facing difficult times by offering guidance and support to navigate life's challenges with grace.

Host:

We welcome her to the podcast Challenges with grace.

Dr. Haney:

Well, Dr.

Dr. Haney:

Walker, welcome to the podcast today.

Marketa L. Walker:

Thank you.

Marketa L. Walker:

Thank you so much, Dr.

Marketa L. Walker:

Haney, for having me.

Marketa L. Walker:

It's such a pleasure to be a part of this amazing platform.

Dr. Haney:

Well, so good to have you on.

Dr. Haney:

Now, I can't give it easy to you because I got to give you a hard question to start out with, my favorite question, but what's the best piece of advice you've ever received?

Marketa L. Walker:

The best piece of advice I ever received was do not stop.

Marketa L. Walker:

Keep moving forward.

Marketa L. Walker:

No matter what you do, keep moving forward.

Dr. Haney:

And who told you that?

Marketa L. Walker:

I'm going to say my dad.

Dr. Haney:

Okay.

Marketa L. Walker:

My dad gave us.

Marketa L. Walker:

He was like, do not stop.

Marketa L. Walker:

I need you to keep going.

Marketa L. Walker:

Keep pushing forward.

Dr. Haney:

Yeah, we gotta love fathers for that, don't we?

Marketa L. Walker:

Yeah.

Dr. Haney:

You know, I always like to ask people who have lived life for a little bit just to think back and reflect on people in your life who have served as an inspiration for you, maybe even a mentor along your journey.

Marketa L. Walker:

Mm.

Marketa L. Walker:

I, um.

Marketa L. Walker:

I'm gonna say my mother.

Marketa L. Walker:

Of course.

Marketa L. Walker:

We.

Marketa L. Walker:

You know, what will we do without our moms?

Marketa L. Walker:

My dad was an inspiration as well.

Marketa L. Walker:

But my mother.

Marketa L. Walker:

My mother was a powerful woman of God, and she just instilled a lot into us.

Marketa L. Walker:

She.

Marketa L. Walker:

One thing I remember her telling us as we were growing up is, know God for yourself.

Marketa L. Walker:

No matter what you hear, no matter what you see, I need you to know who God is for yourself.

Marketa L. Walker:

And I took hold of that.

Marketa L. Walker:

I gravitated towards that.

Marketa L. Walker:

And so I got to learn for myself, and I got to know who he was.

Marketa L. Walker:

And.

Marketa L. Walker:

And that would help me through my difficult times, because if I did not know who he was, I would not be here today.

Dr. Haney:

Yeah, no, definitely.

Dr. Haney:

So since you kind of open that door for that discussion, tell us about your faith journey.

Dr. Haney:

How was that?

Marketa L. Walker:

Yes.

Marketa L. Walker:

So listen, so I was.

Marketa L. Walker:

I was Born and raised in a church.

Marketa L. Walker:

And I mean, pretty much born and raised.

Marketa L. Walker:

I tell people I would spit out on the pews.

Marketa L. Walker:

That's how much I was in church.

Marketa L. Walker:

So, you know, we had the Sunday school, Sunday service, evening service, Tuesday night Bible study, midweek service.

Marketa L. Walker:

We were in church all the time.

Marketa L. Walker:

But my mom and my dad, they instill that in us and more.

Marketa L. Walker:

So my mother, she.

Marketa L. Walker:

She was a powerhouse and she truly believed in God and she wanted that for us as well.

Marketa L. Walker:

And so as I stated, I was born and raised in a church.

Marketa L. Walker:

As I got older, I started to realize that I was only in church because mama and daddy said, go, right?

Marketa L. Walker:

And we were made to go.

Marketa L. Walker:

Don't you be late either.

Marketa L. Walker:

When we got 17, 18, we were working.

Marketa L. Walker:

Don't be late.

Marketa L. Walker:

So, you know, that was our first priority.

Marketa L. Walker:

But then after that, I stepped away from church because I felt that I was just doing it for my mom's sake.

Marketa L. Walker:

And I remember my mom saying, you got to learn it for yourself.

Marketa L. Walker:

You got to get it for yourself.

Marketa L. Walker:

And so stepping away gave me that time to realize it's better on God's side than the other side.

Marketa L. Walker:

So.

Marketa L. Walker:

And getting to learn, and I got to learn and know him.

Marketa L. Walker:

And then I'm going to say around.

Marketa L. Walker:

I started to come back into Church around 20.

Marketa L. Walker:

I always been apart, but not that relationship.

Marketa L. Walker:

Let me say that my relationship wasn't as strong.

Marketa L. Walker:

And when I started to build, my relationship with God was probably around 24, 25 ish, and then started to go as a slow journey.

Marketa L. Walker:

But when I got 32, it was something about the age of 32.

Marketa L. Walker:

I said, God, for you I live and for you I die.

Marketa L. Walker:

And I meant that thing.

Marketa L. Walker:

And that's a declaration I tell people all the time because it is so near and dear to me, because of how good he's been to me in my life.

Marketa L. Walker:

And as I talk about my journey, you will understand why it's for God I live and for God I die.

Dr. Haney:

So you talk about that journey.

Dr. Haney:

You know, all of us have those, those mountaintop moments where it's like, man, I just don't want to leave up here.

Dr. Haney:

Let's build.

Dr. Haney:

Let's build 10 up here.

Dr. Haney:

Let's just stay up here with the Lord.

Marketa L. Walker:

Absolutely.

Dr. Haney:

But there's also those low points in our life.

Dr. Haney:

In those lowest points in your life, how did your faith help you overcome them?

Marketa L. Walker:

Oh, I'm gonna tell you, if it was not for my faith in God, my.

Marketa L. Walker:

My favorite scripture was Hebrews 11.

Marketa L. Walker:

1.

Marketa L. Walker:

Now, faith is a substance of Things hoped for in the evidence of things not seen.

Marketa L. Walker:

So even though I didn't see what I really wanted, but I had faith in it.

Marketa L. Walker:

I knew.

Marketa L. Walker:

And so as a little girl, going back a little bit, like I said, we're born and raised in a church.

Marketa L. Walker:

And for me in church, one thing that I did get out of it was I saw these happily happy, amazing marriages.

Marketa L. Walker:

Everybody was so happy.

Marketa L. Walker:

You know, they don't tell you the bad stuff, but everybody was smiling, holding hands.

Marketa L. Walker:

Everybody was good.

Marketa L. Walker:

Right.

Marketa L. Walker:

Well, that was one thing that I fell in love with.

Marketa L. Walker:

I fell in love with, you know, people just being happy.

Marketa L. Walker:

And I'm like, you know what?

Marketa L. Walker:

One day that's going to be me.

Marketa L. Walker:

So my faith was one day I'm going to be happily married and you know, it's going to be God and we going to keep God first.

Marketa L. Walker:

And that's how I was going to be.

Marketa L. Walker:

Not knowing the ins and outs of marriages which have, you know, caused me to be married multiple times because not really understanding and knowing what marriage was.

Marketa L. Walker:

But it was the faith in God that got me to where I am today.

Marketa L. Walker:

And if it was not for that, oh my God, I don't know where I would be.

Dr. Haney:

And where you are today is quite impressive.

Dr. Haney:

I see from your resume that you and what inspired you to create and own a prestigious home healthcare agency in New York, New York, of all places.

Dr. Haney:

And Big Apple.

Marketa L. Walker:

Yeah.

Marketa L. Walker:

So, yeah, it's ironic that God has done a lot of things for me.

Marketa L. Walker:

The only thing that people would look at, they will say, well, she's been divorced, right?

Marketa L. Walker:

And she's, she wrote a book, divorce but not defeated.

Marketa L. Walker:

But not only divorced but not defeated, but divorce multiple times.

Marketa L. Walker:

Not one, not two, not three.

Marketa L. Walker:

Enough before times.

Marketa L. Walker:

And I tell people, I'm not proud to tell people that.

Marketa L. Walker:

I'm not proud to say that to anyone.

Marketa L. Walker:

No one is.

Marketa L. Walker:

Who wants to tell people they've been married five times, right?

Marketa L. Walker:

But I used to call myself the modern day woman at the well.

Marketa L. Walker:

I used to say, you know, I'm the modern day woman at the well.

Marketa L. Walker:

Have y'all read about her?

Marketa L. Walker:

Have y'all heard about her?

Marketa L. Walker:

Well, let me tell you about it.

Marketa L. Walker:

She's found in John chapter four, right?

Marketa L. Walker:

John chapter four.

Marketa L. Walker:

She was married five times.

Marketa L. Walker:

God met her at the well.

Marketa L. Walker:

She had to heal from some things.

Marketa L. Walker:

And what happened?

Marketa L. Walker:

She left as an evangelist.

Marketa L. Walker:

So a lot of times we're holding up a lot of things in our lives because we have not healed from a lot of things.

Marketa L. Walker:

Um, but yeah, so that's where I am.

Marketa L. Walker:

And that God has really brought me from a long way.

Dr. Haney:

So let's talk about your book.

Dr. Haney:

Divorce But Not Defeated Woman.

Dr. Haney:

You can win after all this.

Dr. Haney:

Tell us about why you wrote this book.

Marketa L. Walker:

I wrote this book because what I've learned is there are so many divorces in the church, whereas marriage is God's playing field.

Marketa L. Walker:

This is God's thing.

Marketa L. Walker:

And so why is there so many divorces in the church if this is a God's thing?

Marketa L. Walker:

Right.

Marketa L. Walker:

And so even looking at my life, I'm like, why am I, you know, divorced so many times?

Marketa L. Walker:

And so I believe God gave me this story to help out in this arena because he knew I was going.

Marketa L. Walker:

I will be the one to tell the story.

Marketa L. Walker:

This one right here.

Marketa L. Walker:

I'm going to give her this because she's going to tell it.

Marketa L. Walker:

And what inspired me is that I saw so many divorces in the church.

Marketa L. Walker:

I was born and raised in a church, and a lot of times we are dealing with so many things that are not being addressed.

Marketa L. Walker:

And.

Marketa L. Walker:

And when I say that, let's talk about me, I'm going all the way back to childhood.

Marketa L. Walker:

Childhood trauma.

Marketa L. Walker:

And when I say childhood trauma, what.

Marketa L. Walker:

What was that?

Marketa L. Walker:

My mother and father got a divorce.

Marketa L. Walker:

Ah, that.

Marketa L. Walker:

That's the worst trauma ever.

Marketa L. Walker:

No child ever want to see your mom and dad get a divorce.

Marketa L. Walker:

Right.

Marketa L. Walker:

They were married for 18 years.

Marketa L. Walker:

We had a spectacular life.

Marketa L. Walker:

My dad was a police officer, also in the military.

Marketa L. Walker:

My mom was a nurse.

Marketa L. Walker:

And so we lived a great life.

Marketa L. Walker:

But, boy, I tell you, when that divorce hit, we.

Marketa L. Walker:

We went to a whole nother place we never knew of.

Marketa L. Walker:

And.

Marketa L. Walker:

But it.

Marketa L. Walker:

It was very important to me that I write this book, because now I'm finding out that there's more people in the same situation that I was in.

Marketa L. Walker:

And now that I can talk about my story, that will in turn help them through what they're going through.

Dr. Haney:

So being a pastor who's counseled a lot of couples for marriages, I remember I've always tried to be perfectly honest with a couple when they came to office for marriage counseling.

Dr. Haney:

And I've never told a couple, I've only told one couple they should not get married.

Dr. Haney:

It was obvious to me that this was not a good idea for you.

Marketa L. Walker:

Right.

Dr. Haney:

And I think they listed, if I remember, this was a while back.

Dr. Haney:

It's, you know, ministry kind of all kind of merges together.

Dr. Haney:

But as you think about your time in the church and marriage, is there something that the church could do better in equipping young people who are getting Married.

Dr. Haney:

So, you know, maybe they don't have some of the things you went through in your marriages.

Marketa L. Walker:

Yeah, I believe there's a lot of things that the church can do to help prevent some of these marriages.

Marketa L. Walker:

First is helping people identify who they really are.

Marketa L. Walker:

That's number one.

Marketa L. Walker:

Number two is helping them be okay with rehashing or reliving some of the trauma that they dealt with.

Marketa L. Walker:

Because I, for me, I tell people we cannot heal from things if we don't reveal them.

Marketa L. Walker:

And a lot of times, we're hiding a lot of stuff.

Marketa L. Walker:

Like I used to tell people, I hid behind all of the makeup, the nice clothes and the nice homes, the fancy cars.

Marketa L. Walker:

But my key word was I hid behind them.

Marketa L. Walker:

What was I hiding?

Marketa L. Walker:

I was hiding childhood trauma.

Marketa L. Walker:

I was hiding abandonment, rejection, all of this that stemmed from my childhood.

Marketa L. Walker:

And I think that's an area that the church need to dive deeper into.

Marketa L. Walker:

Having more sessions, bringing young people together, helping them to identify things that they're going through, but making it a safe.

Marketa L. Walker:

The safe space for them to be able to talk about it and identify who they really are.

Marketa L. Walker:

Because a lot of us are hiding behind masks.

Marketa L. Walker:

We're not who we say we are.

Marketa L. Walker:

We're a representation of ourselves.

Marketa L. Walker:

And I believe that the church can help out with that if we.

Marketa L. Walker:

We have leaders in place to be able to be vulnerable and also be open and honest with the people.

Marketa L. Walker:

Because that's what people are looking for from the church is leaders that say, hey, you know what?

Marketa L. Walker:

I've been through this, and look where God brought me to.

Marketa L. Walker:

You know, look where God delivered me out.

Marketa L. Walker:

Look what God delivered me out of.

Marketa L. Walker:

When people can hear that, that was like, wow, that's something I want to be involved in.

Marketa L. Walker:

Or that helps me want to dive deeper in myself to figure out why am I dealing with the things that I'm dealing with.

Dr. Haney:

So I'm sure the audience is dying to know.

Dr. Haney:

So you say you've had four divorces.

Dr. Haney:

Did you find that.

Dr. Haney:

That special guy after those previous ones that weren't the right guy?

Marketa L. Walker:

I did.

Marketa L. Walker:

I call him my.

Marketa L. Walker:

My number five and forever.

Dr. Haney:

My.

Marketa L. Walker:

My grace.

Marketa L. Walker:

This is my what?

Marketa L. Walker:

The number of Grace is 5.

Marketa L. Walker:

So he is that.

Marketa L. Walker:

He is my.

Marketa L. Walker:

I call him my five and forever.

Marketa L. Walker:

Yes.

Marketa L. Walker:

I believe that God met me back at the well.

Marketa L. Walker:

He let me know, in spite of all that you have been through, I am still here for you.

Marketa L. Walker:

But I'm still here to bless you because of your faith and your hope and your trust in me, that I could still bless you with what you what you always been longing for.

Dr. Haney:

So you wrote this book, I'm guessing from what I can tell from reading the book is really directed at women.

Dr. Haney:

And you want them to learn the importance of resilience, self empowerment, encouragement, kind of reclaiming their worth.

Dr. Haney:

What key lesson do you think women need to hear after they've gone through a very painful divorce?

Marketa L. Walker:

You know what, And I.

Marketa L. Walker:

Can I just say this.

Marketa L. Walker:

I wanted this book not to only be for women because now it.

Marketa L. Walker:

Men are getting my book.

Marketa L. Walker:

I didn't realize this, but men, oh wow.

Marketa L. Walker:

Because men are going through being.

Marketa L. Walker:

You know, men don't talk like we do.

Marketa L. Walker:

Women will talk and tell it all.

Marketa L. Walker:

Men, they hold it in, right?

Marketa L. Walker:

So now I'm, I'm finding out that men are being affected by the book.

Marketa L. Walker:

But the, the main thing that I can tell them is it's okay not to be okay, but just don't stay there.

Marketa L. Walker:

We have to come up out of that.

Marketa L. Walker:

Like for myself, I had to overcome shame, you know, after even your first divorce.

Marketa L. Walker:

No one, no one ever gets married for a divorce to, or to get a divorce.

Marketa L. Walker:

They're thinking, I'm married for life to death, do us part.

Marketa L. Walker:

Right.

Marketa L. Walker:

But then is that shame that comes along with it?

Marketa L. Walker:

Is the guilt, is that sense of failure that comes along with that.

Marketa L. Walker:

But I want to let people know that it is okay not to be okay.

Marketa L. Walker:

But I just need you all to come up out of that space.

Dr. Haney:

That's important.

Dr. Haney:

You also have some practical guides in your book.

Dr. Haney:

Tell us some of the things that you help people to work through with the guides in your book.

Marketa L. Walker:

Yes.

Marketa L. Walker:

So one of the key things that I stress about is forgiveness.

Marketa L. Walker:

Forgiveness.

Marketa L. Walker:

And first starting off with yourself, you have to forgive yourself.

Marketa L. Walker:

A lot of times we put ourselves in positions and, and we allow things to happen to us, but then we don't forgive ourselves.

Marketa L. Walker:

If we do not forgive ourselves first, we cannot forgive anyone else.

Marketa L. Walker:

So we have to start with self.

Marketa L. Walker:

So that's where I start off with is forgiving yourself.

Marketa L. Walker:

And then in turn then you can start on that, that healing journey and then forgive your, your ex mate also.

Marketa L. Walker:

Another thing that what happens in marriage is that we do become a representative representation of ourselves.

Marketa L. Walker:

We, because we want to be everything to our mate that they want, we think they want us to be.

Marketa L. Walker:

And it is important that we practice self care.

Marketa L. Walker:

That we understand who we are, learn who we are also.

Marketa L. Walker:

But in that self care is taking some time away.

Marketa L. Walker:

Not talking to anyone.

Marketa L. Walker:

Just journal, meditate, learn who God is, who he is to you and who you are to him.

Marketa L. Walker:

And then that will help you on this process.

Marketa L. Walker:

But it's at first, starting off is building that relationship with God.

Marketa L. Walker:

Oh, I can't hit.

Marketa L. Walker:

I can't hear you.

Dr. Haney:

So your book, you're very, very transparent.

Dr. Haney:

I noticed that chapter two is your first divorce, Chapter three, your second divorce.

Dr. Haney:

Yeah.

Dr. Haney:

So you break down each of these in these chapters.

Dr. Haney:

Tell us of those.

Dr. Haney:

Of those chapters.

Dr. Haney:

I know they had to all be had a little bit of.

Dr. Haney:

A little bit of pain attached to them.

Marketa L. Walker:

Oh, yeah, Maybe you kind of walk.

Dr. Haney:

Those people, walk us through kind of.

Dr. Haney:

As you look back and reflect on your life, what would you say was the biggest factor in those first marriages not working?

Dr. Haney:

I'm sure that each one is different, but if there was kind of a theme that kind of ran through them all, what would that be?

Marketa L. Walker:

It was the thing that ran through them all is not having any accountability.

Marketa L. Walker:

And that fellow simply no accountability.

Marketa L. Walker:

And that's one area that a lot of people run away from is accountability.

Marketa L. Walker:

And so for me, I had to own it, is that I lacked accountability.

Marketa L. Walker:

I lacked grace, I lack forgiveness, I lack patience, I lack trust.

Marketa L. Walker:

I lacked all these things because all of that stemmed from my childhood traumas and how my dad treated my mother and then not even really understanding what marriage is.

Marketa L. Walker:

And all the things that I just stated are things that you have to have in order for a marriage to work.

Marketa L. Walker:

Right?

Marketa L. Walker:

So me, if you did me wrong, you, you, I just divorced you, right?

Marketa L. Walker:

I'm like, no, this is not what it looked like.

Marketa L. Walker:

This is not what it's supposed to be.

Marketa L. Walker:

I'm done right now.

Marketa L. Walker:

So that's where I was.

Marketa L. Walker:

And I, I, you know what?

Marketa L. Walker:

I tell people I've been married so many times, I had to start naming.

Marketa L. Walker:

I, I put a name to them.

Marketa L. Walker:

So the first one was just naive.

Marketa L. Walker:

I was just simply naive.

Marketa L. Walker:

I did not know what marriage was.

Marketa L. Walker:

I, you know, I went off of what I saw in church.

Marketa L. Walker:

Like I said, I saw these awesomely amazing marriages.

Marketa L. Walker:

Oh, that was going to be me.

Marketa L. Walker:

That was me.

Marketa L. Walker:

So still not knowing what marriage was.

Marketa L. Walker:

Then we go into number two.

Marketa L. Walker:

Number two, I call a shame on me because I married the same guy in a different body.

Marketa L. Walker:

So I received the same treatment, same everything.

Marketa L. Walker:

So I said, shame on me.

Marketa L. Walker:

So it was still the same.

Marketa L. Walker:

But even then, when God was trying to give me the downloads in between two and three, I didn't know what to do with them because I just didn't.

Marketa L. Walker:

I didn't know.

Marketa L. Walker:

And no one sat me down and said, okay, baby girl, let's have a conversation.

Marketa L. Walker:

And I was young too.

Marketa L. Walker:

I was 23, 1, 22.

Marketa L. Walker:

So even at that time, I don't recommend anybody get married.

Marketa L. Walker:

You know, may some of them are mature at that time, but I'm a little iffy on that one.

Marketa L. Walker:

But I was still young, I did not know, so still suffered the same treatment from the first one.

Marketa L. Walker:

And then going into number three, that's not when, that's when a light bulb went off.

Marketa L. Walker:

But number three, I, I call this one Shame on me.

Marketa L. Walker:

Just shame on me.

Marketa L. Walker:

No, no, no, no.

Marketa L. Walker:

Number one was naive.

Marketa L. Walker:

Number two was shame on me.

Marketa L. Walker:

Number three, I labeled that one.

Marketa L. Walker:

Oh my goodness, what was the name of that one?

Marketa L. Walker:

I know number four was, I thought I had it.

Marketa L. Walker:

Number three, remember number three, I had to go back and look that age is kicking in.

Marketa L. Walker:

But anyway, number three, I tell people, do not, do not.

Marketa L. Walker:

My mother passed away during this time.

Marketa L. Walker:

And I tell people, do not make a life altering decision when you're going through grief because you're, you're going through grief, you're vulnerable and, and the enemy knows what you like.

Marketa L. Walker:

He know when to catch you up.

Marketa L. Walker:

And at that time I was getting the flowers, the edible arrangements, all that stuff.

Marketa L. Walker:

And I was loving, I was like, oh, he must really love me.

Marketa L. Walker:

No, no.

Marketa L. Walker:

And then when I woke up, out of the vulnerability and out of the grief, I realized this is not, this was not it.

Marketa L. Walker:

And God was showing me too during that time.

Marketa L. Walker:

He was letting me know, no, this is not it.

Marketa L. Walker:

But a lot of times we let our own self take control and where God is trying to tell us, no, stop or yes, go forward.

Marketa L. Walker:

And a lot of times we want to intervene and go ahead of God.

Marketa L. Walker:

Well, that's what I did in that one.

Marketa L. Walker:

So very short lived.

Marketa L. Walker:

And then during this time, I'll never forget my dad.

Marketa L. Walker:

My dad, I invited him to number three.

Marketa L. Walker:

He said, wait a minute.

Marketa L. Walker:

He said, Marquette, you know, I understand marriages have their ups and downs.

Marketa L. Walker:

I'll give you the first one, I'll even give you the second one.

Marketa L. Walker:

But by the time you get to number three, it's on you.

Marketa L. Walker:

So something is wrong with you.

Marketa L. Walker:

But you know, way.

Marketa L. Walker:

And even though he said that, he said that a light bulb went off, that's when it, it finally clicked, like there's something wrong.

Marketa L. Walker:

I, I need to address some things.

Marketa L. Walker:

And so, but I was upset with my dad for saying this because, oh, I bet my dad divorced my mom.

Marketa L. Walker:

Wait, wait a minute.

Marketa L. Walker:

You divorced my mom?

Marketa L. Walker:

You divorced, right?

Marketa L. Walker:

So I went back to that.

Marketa L. Walker:

I was like you know, and I, I just was really disrespectful.

Marketa L. Walker:

I was at a place of.

Marketa L. Walker:

Just not a good place.

Marketa L. Walker:

But it wasn't until I called my dad.

Marketa L. Walker:

I, I, well, I remember the scripture saying, honor thy father and thy mother that your days may be long on earth.

Marketa L. Walker:

Let me tell you, Dr.

Marketa L. Walker:

Haney, I saw my days dwindling down real fast.

Marketa L. Walker:

Let me hurry up and call my dad back.

Marketa L. Walker:

So I called my dad, call my dad.

Marketa L. Walker:

And I said, dad, please forgive me.

Marketa L. Walker:

You know, no, that is not what you and mom had.

Marketa L. Walker:

That was between you, mom and God.

Marketa L. Walker:

Not, not you and I.

Marketa L. Walker:

And the, the, the way I've been treating you with very dis.

Marketa L. Walker:

And not.

Marketa L. Walker:

That is not pleasing in God's sight.

Marketa L. Walker:

So I apologize.

Marketa L. Walker:

I, Please, I, I asked for your forgiveness, and he forgave me.

Marketa L. Walker:

But you know what, Dr.

Marketa L. Walker:

Haney?

Marketa L. Walker:

That was the pivotal point in my life, where my healing journey started.

Marketa L. Walker:

It started with my dad and not realizing that's where it all started.

Marketa L. Walker:

And so I had to go back to the starting point, was forgiving my dad.

Marketa L. Walker:

And so at that point, I, I said, you know what?

Marketa L. Walker:

My dad said?

Marketa L. Walker:

There's got to be something wrong.

Marketa L. Walker:

And so the light bulb went off.

Marketa L. Walker:

I took time away.

Marketa L. Walker:

I, I did not date anymore.

Marketa L. Walker:

I didn't let anyone take me on a date.

Marketa L. Walker:

I didn't let them take me to the movies.

Marketa L. Walker:

I didn't even take their phone number.

Marketa L. Walker:

They was like, you want my number?

Marketa L. Walker:

Nope.

Marketa L. Walker:

And they're like, we just, we could be friends.

Marketa L. Walker:

Nope.

Marketa L. Walker:

I got a friend in Jesus.

Marketa L. Walker:

That's all I need.

Marketa L. Walker:

And so for six long years, I intentionally, I mean, intentionally.

Marketa L. Walker:

And I tell any woman or any man, sometimes you got to step away and be intentional about your relationship with God because He's going to come and see about you.

Marketa L. Walker:

And.

Marketa L. Walker:

Which he came and saw about me.

Marketa L. Walker:

So I started to meditate.

Marketa L. Walker:

I started to pray fast.

Marketa L. Walker:

I got in his word.

Marketa L. Walker:

I just really learned who he was and how much he loved me and who I was to him.

Marketa L. Walker:

And I said, I don't want to date nobody else.

Marketa L. Walker:

It's just me and God.

Marketa L. Walker:

I just want to stay here with God now.

Marketa L. Walker:

I don't want to talk to nobody else, but he let me know what love is and who I was and that I was worth it and I am valuable and how much he loved me in spite of all of this stuff.

Marketa L. Walker:

But it took me six years, though.

Marketa L. Walker:

Six long years.

Marketa L. Walker:

I did not talk.

Marketa L. Walker:

It's just me and God dating.

Marketa L. Walker:

I tell people I dated God for six years.

Marketa L. Walker:

We still Date, though.

Marketa L. Walker:

We still date, right?

Marketa L. Walker:

But yeah, it took, it took all of that.

Marketa L. Walker:

And that was a pivotal point in my life and in my journey.

Marketa L. Walker:

And yes, I did go through pain through each and every one, but I think it was self inflicted because I did not know who Marquette was.

Marketa L. Walker:

I did not know how to love the way God says love.

Marketa L. Walker:

I didn't even know God loved me the way he loved me.

Marketa L. Walker:

You know, all these things that we have to, we have to address and we have to learn.

Marketa L. Walker:

So, yeah, I experienced a lot of pain.

Marketa L. Walker:

But I'm gonna tell you, all that pain made me stronger in who I am today.

Dr. Haney:

So as you think about, I know ending, ending a marriage is very difficult.

Dr. Haney:

How, how did you end those marriages?

Dr. Haney:

Because I'm.

Dr. Haney:

Because I'm sure each one had his.

Dr. Haney:

Because the church always wants to come in and, and try to walk alongside.

Dr. Haney:

And I had a friend on Facebook who's going through a very difficult marriage.

Dr. Haney:

And she went to her pastor and her pastor said, you know, divorce is a sin, and she knows that's not God's plan.

Dr. Haney:

But you have to stay with this man.

Dr. Haney:

You're required to.

Dr. Haney:

And even though he may be abusive emotionally, even physical, you're supposed to stay with this man.

Dr. Haney:

And I'm like, that's hard.

Dr. Haney:

When you get that advice from the church and, and you know, you're in a toxic, even, maybe sometimes even dangerous relationship.

Dr. Haney:

How did you know it was time to end this?

Dr. Haney:

And even if it was against what the church may have been saying at.

Marketa L. Walker:

The time, you know what I said, God, you show me who you were.

Marketa L. Walker:

You show me how much you love me.

Marketa L. Walker:

And I know this is not a part of your will.

Marketa L. Walker:

This is not a part of marriage.

Marketa L. Walker:

This is not what I'm supposed to be going through because I did experience mental abuse, physical abuse.

Marketa L. Walker:

I've been through all of it.

Marketa L. Walker:

But I think, God, I think as a child, though, I think God has always given me this strength that I didn't know I had.

Marketa L. Walker:

And so when it was time to divorce, a boldness just rose up and said, look, with one of them, I said, this is no longer.

Marketa L. Walker:

And I prayed.

Marketa L. Walker:

I never forget the first one.

Marketa L. Walker:

I prayed and I said, God, I need you to come and see about me, Father, you see what I've been through.

Marketa L. Walker:

I need your help.

Marketa L. Walker:

If you give me the strength to get out of this, God, I will serve you the rest of my life.

Marketa L. Walker:

And I was going to do that anyway.

Marketa L. Walker:

So he didn't even have to.

Marketa L. Walker:

I didn't even have to make that that declaration to him, because he already knew.

Marketa L. Walker:

He knew my heart.

Marketa L. Walker:

But I said, father, let it not be a fight, because this was one of the more physical ones.

Marketa L. Walker:

And I said, God, I just need you to help me get out of this where it's not a fight and it's a peaceful transition.

Marketa L. Walker:

Guess what?

Marketa L. Walker:

It was a peaceful transition.

Marketa L. Walker:

I was able to move.

Marketa L. Walker:

Matter of fact, it was so peaceful, I was blown away.

Marketa L. Walker:

I got a pot, a moving pod dropped at the house.

Marketa L. Walker:

He even packed the moving pot, then the candy, took the moving pot up.

Marketa L. Walker:

He went and got his own place.

Marketa L. Walker:

And I said, my God, is that all I had to do was call you and you come see me, made it work.

Marketa L. Walker:

So with that, I.

Marketa L. Walker:

I will.

Marketa L. Walker:

I will tell anyone, pray and really seek God.

Marketa L. Walker:

Seek God because I was told you a divorce is not of God.

Marketa L. Walker:

You should still be in this.

Marketa L. Walker:

You should stay in this.

Marketa L. Walker:

And you.

Marketa L. Walker:

And I said, so many women and men, men too, are losing their minds because they're taught to stay in something that they should not be.

Marketa L. Walker:

Because every marriage is not ordained by God.

Marketa L. Walker:

I tell people that, too.

Marketa L. Walker:

Every marriage is not ordained by God.

Marketa L. Walker:

A lot of times we get ourselves into stuff and God is telling us, no, but we want it so bad, we jump in it.

Marketa L. Walker:

That, that was me.

Marketa L. Walker:

So let me tell on myself.

Marketa L. Walker:

I'll tell on myself.

Marketa L. Walker:

But, yeah, I say seek God.

Marketa L. Walker:

And I mean, go in intentionally seeking God.

Marketa L. Walker:

Let him know, father, you see all.

Marketa L. Walker:

You know, all, Father, I need your help in this.

Marketa L. Walker:

And.

Marketa L. Walker:

But God has blessed me with a boldness where I'm able to stand up and raise up and say, this is not of God.

Marketa L. Walker:

This ain't it.

Marketa L. Walker:

And I'll step away from.

Marketa L. Walker:

I was able to step away without, you know, any repercussions or anything like that.

Marketa L. Walker:

They just kind of went on a little way.

Marketa L. Walker:

And I said, well, God, thank you, you just made it that easy.

Marketa L. Walker:

But I know it's not that easy for everyone.

Marketa L. Walker:

It's not that easy for everyone.

Marketa L. Walker:

And so I.

Marketa L. Walker:

I suggest that they really see God and God will give them what they need.

Marketa L. Walker:

God will move them.

Marketa L. Walker:

You think you, you.

Marketa L. Walker:

We get all anxious and wrapped up, like, how I'm gonna get out of this or get all worried.

Marketa L. Walker:

We don't have to.

Marketa L. Walker:

If you go directly to God, God knows it all.

Marketa L. Walker:

He sees it all.

Marketa L. Walker:

Allow God to work for you.

Dr. Haney:

It's powerful.

Dr. Haney:

So you're also a life coach.

Marketa L. Walker:

I am.

Dr. Haney:

And you help people work through some of the.

Dr. Haney:

Navigate some of life's challenges.

Dr. Haney:

What motivated you to become a life coach?

Marketa L. Walker:

Well, My life.

Marketa L. Walker:

My life.

Marketa L. Walker:

My life is a living testimony because I.

Marketa L. Walker:

I feel we can't help people if we ain't never been through something.

Marketa L. Walker:

We can't speak about stuff we never experienced.

Marketa L. Walker:

We can't.

Marketa L. Walker:

We can't talk, tell how God delivered us out of something if we never been through anything.

Marketa L. Walker:

So my whole life is a living testimony.

Marketa L. Walker:

Even with the marriages, that's enough in itself.

Marketa L. Walker:

And with that and seeing society and marriages, especially in the church, that's what really pushed me to be a coach and help women mostly because women, we'll hold on to stuff for years and years and years and years and years.

Marketa L. Walker:

Unforgiveness is one of our things that we just seem like we just can't forgive, right?

Dr. Haney:

No, I've never experienced that.

Marketa L. Walker:

We women are bad about that.

Marketa L. Walker:

We.

Marketa L. Walker:

Oh, we don't want to forgive.

Marketa L. Walker:

No.

Marketa L. Walker:

Now, you know, but I help them through that and in order.

Marketa L. Walker:

And I tell them, in order for you to go to that next level or forgot to bless you with your next, you have to clean up this spot right here first.

Marketa L. Walker:

You got to get to the rightful place in this spot.

Marketa L. Walker:

Instead of trying to skip over, we can't skip over because you don't want to take that unforgiveness into the next.

Dr. Haney:

So you have some courses and workshops that you could.

Dr. Haney:

You do what can people who take your course, course and workshops, what do they hope to gain?

Dr. Haney:

What do they get from your workshops and courses?

Marketa L. Walker:

So the key thing that I tell everyone that I speak to is what you will gain from this workshop is, number one, my slogan is, let's heal because we have to heal so we can win.

Marketa L. Walker:

That is the biggest thing they're going to gain out of my workshop.

Marketa L. Walker:

So I want them to help them start that healing journey so they can be able to win in their next.

Marketa L. Walker:

So that is the key thing that they get from my coaching sessions.

Dr. Haney:

So everybody likes success stories.

Dr. Haney:

Can you think of a story, you know, don't give us their name that just kind of stands out as your mind of someone who's like, yeah, that was.

Dr. Haney:

That was one that just still touches me.

Marketa L. Walker:

Yes, I do have one.

Marketa L. Walker:

Oh, she amazing.

Marketa L. Walker:

And she still talks about it to this day.

Marketa L. Walker:

And this has been like two years ago, and they are a huge success story.

Marketa L. Walker:

And I wish I can dive a little bit more.

Marketa L. Walker:

But then, you know, put.

Marketa L. Walker:

Then I'll start.

Marketa L. Walker:

I might slip and say their name.

Dr. Haney:

Right.

Dr. Haney:

I know that's right.

Dr. Haney:

But I won't do that.

Marketa L. Walker:

I'm so excited about it.

Marketa L. Walker:

Right.

Marketa L. Walker:

It just.

Marketa L. Walker:

It Warms your heart.

Marketa L. Walker:

And I tell people it's not about Marquette.

Marketa L. Walker:

It's all about what God gives me.

Marketa L. Walker:

I always seek God in everything that I do, even in what I'm supposed to tell someone, even in what I'm supposed to pray for, even them for.

Marketa L. Walker:

Right.

Marketa L. Walker:

And even the insight on how to guide them.

Marketa L. Walker:

All of that comes from God.

Marketa L. Walker:

So I take no credit of my own.

Marketa L. Walker:

I always give God the glory which is due to him.

Marketa L. Walker:

And that's how it all happens with my coaching as well.

Dr. Haney:

That's awesome.

Dr. Haney:

So I love to ask my guests this question.

Dr. Haney:

What do you want your legacy to be?

Marketa L. Walker:

I want my legacy to be healed marriages.

Marketa L. Walker:

Heal marriages.

Marketa L. Walker:

And also not only heal marriages.

Marketa L. Walker:

Let's get them before they even get to a place that they have to heal.

Marketa L. Walker:

Could we have some excitingly amazing marriages?

Marketa L. Walker:

The things that I fell in love with.

Marketa L. Walker:

That's what I.

Marketa L. Walker:

That's what I want.

Dr. Haney:

That would be good.

Dr. Haney:

Yes.

Dr. Haney:

So as we wrap up this amazing conversation, what key takeaways do you want the audience to get from our conversation today?

Marketa L. Walker:

The key takeaways I want them to get is being okay with not being okay.

Marketa L. Walker:

I stated that earlier because a lot of times society has painted this picture of, you get a divorce, you're okay tomorrow, that is not the case.

Marketa L. Walker:

So I want them to go through the journey, go through the grieving process, because it is a grieving process that you go through.

Marketa L. Walker:

So I want people to know that it is okay not to be okay.

Marketa L. Walker:

A lot of people, like I said, they'll say, you're okay, you'll be fine.

Marketa L. Walker:

It's going to be okay tomorrow, it's going to be okay next week.

Marketa L. Walker:

That's not the case.

Marketa L. Walker:

But just do not stay there.

Marketa L. Walker:

Get in your mind that I'm not okay right now and go and experience those emotions.

Marketa L. Walker:

I'm not okay right now.

Marketa L. Walker:

Let me go through my emotions.

Marketa L. Walker:

But I'm going to get better soon.

Marketa L. Walker:

I need them to speak positivity over their lives, over their situations, because that's what takes us out of where we are.

Dr. Haney:

That's amazing.

Dr. Haney:

Where can people find your book, Divorce but Not Defeated?

Marketa L. Walker:

Yeah.

Marketa L. Walker:

So my book is sold on Amazon, is on Barnes and Noble, is at Walmart, is at Target.

Marketa L. Walker:

It's everywhere.

Marketa L. Walker:

It's places I didn't even know it was.

Marketa L. Walker:

I googled my book and it's ebay and everywhere.

Dr. Haney:

That's so cool.

Dr. Haney:

What kind of response you getting on your book?

Marketa L. Walker:

Oh, I'm getting a really good response.

Marketa L. Walker:

You know what?

Marketa L. Walker:

I have to tell this testimony.

Marketa L. Walker:

Someone Called me last week.

Marketa L. Walker:

I was going to speak at a event, and they said, you know what?

Marketa L. Walker:

I want to sow into fertile ground.

Marketa L. Walker:

So I want to purchase 20 of your books, and I want you to give them away to your audience.

Marketa L. Walker:

And I did that.

Marketa L. Walker:

I was like, oh, my goodness.

Marketa L. Walker:

So I did that.

Marketa L. Walker:

And I had these women stand up.

Marketa L. Walker:

And, you know, of course it was more women stood up than I had books in my hand.

Marketa L. Walker:

But God said, bless the rest of the ones that are standing up.

Marketa L. Walker:

So you know what?

Marketa L. Walker:

I blessed the rest of the ones that were standing up with the book where they did not have to purchase.

Marketa L. Walker:

But I really want the people to.

Marketa L. Walker:

If you do not have my book, please get that book.

Marketa L. Walker:

If you're going through difficult time, get that book.

Marketa L. Walker:

I'm.

Marketa L. Walker:

I'm pretty sure you will find yourself in one of the marriages that I talked about.

Marketa L. Walker:

Um, and that will help in it.

Marketa L. Walker:

It will uplift you, it will encourage you, and it will inspire you to come up out of your situation and be a better person for your next.

Dr. Haney:

So what's next for you?

Dr. Haney:

What's your next project?

Marketa L. Walker:

My next project.

Marketa L. Walker:

I'm so glad you asked.

Marketa L. Walker:

So I got another book coming out.

Marketa L. Walker:

It is stronger than yesterday.

Marketa L. Walker:

Finding your power after divorce.

Marketa L. Walker:

Cool.

Marketa L. Walker:

That is the next book that's coming out also.

Marketa L. Walker:

I didn't say.

Marketa L. Walker:

My book is also found on my website as well@marquettelwalkerministries.com Marquette spell your name.

Dr. Haney:

For us just for those who are listening.

Marketa L. Walker:

Okay.

Marketa L. Walker:

Is M A R Q U E T T E L Walker W A L k e r ministries.com Marquette L Walker ministries.com Also, I'm sorry, I got.

Marketa L. Walker:

I got sidetracked.

Marketa L. Walker:

Next project.

Marketa L. Walker:

Next project also.

Marketa L. Walker:

So my book is coming out.

Marketa L. Walker:

conference coming up in April:

Marketa L. Walker:

It will be in Amelia Island, Florida.

Marketa L. Walker:

And so is that a resort.

Marketa L. Walker:

We want the family to come is the power we people think of women empowerment.

Marketa L. Walker:

But God said, I want you to win everyone.

Marketa L. Walker:

The husbands, the wives, the cousins, the aunts.

Marketa L. Walker:

We want everybody.

Marketa L. Walker:

So it's the power we winning everyone.

Marketa L. Walker:

th of:

Marketa L. Walker:

er one in the fall of October:

Marketa L. Walker:

Power a week.

Marketa L. Walker:

And let's see what else we got going on.

Marketa L. Walker:

I'm everywhere.

Marketa L. Walker:

Yeah, I'll be speaking at other places, but just my own stuff.

Marketa L. Walker:

Those are my two major conferences that I'll have going on.

Marketa L. Walker:

And it'll be twice a year, April.

Dr. Haney:

And October well, thank you so much for coming on and sharing your story and your book and what you're doing to help people have God pleasing marriages and be an uplifting opportunity to bless the church community.

Dr. Haney:

Because if we stay together as the way God intended, we are so much stronger and our community is so much better when we can make those marriages work.

Dr. Haney:

So thank you.

Marketa L. Walker:

Amen.

Marketa L. Walker:

Thank you so much for having me.

Marketa L. Walker:

Dr.

Marketa L. Walker:

Haney, it was such a pleasure to be on with you today to tell you about my book and Winning Women, my Winning Women course.

Dr. Haney:

So when your next book is done, come again, we'll talk about that one.

Marketa L. Walker:

Will do.

Marketa L. Walker:

Thank you so much.

Dr. Haney:

Thank you.

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Byrene Haney

I am Byrene Haney, the Assistant to the President of Iowa District West for Missions, Human Care, and Stewardship. Drawn to Western Iowa by its inspiring mission opportunities, I dedicate myself to helping churches connect with the unconnected and disengaged in their communities. As a loving husband, father, and grandfather, I strive to create authentic spaces for conversation through my podcast and blog.